Memoirs Matter

History repeats, if you repeat. I think its important to know especially your immediate history. The story of your father, if you are a boy, is it the same for the female? Is she synonimally bound to mother's pressing toward reality? I feel story lines of father and son, so much of like apples and trees. Or is it only human? But oh it must get so specific! Look at its layers! Zen like targets speak gargantuate bodily oceans to me.

night suns, morning moon

Top of the morning to you, fine gent, how are you? Love, he says, by love I am, sir, would you be so gentle and tease my homosexuality? My desire for a like me, am I so full of my self or just a perv? Adjust your curvical intentions, I hate that I don't get to you, that my emotions are meaningless to you, that my argue does not matter. You're such a woman! Would you attribute my sensitivity to feminism? Folly and blunder then I am mistaken, is this not characteristic of human? Anxiety and insecurity, do these two not belong to the composition of a human soul? Or is there such, a human soul? Oxymoronic and polystupido dumber gets way dumber in public. Human soul, is this what we are really mean to say? Truly new emptiness of filled and fitted voids and vaccuums, soul is so materialistic.

Just a Regular Dude

I'm just a regular dude,
an ordinary human
Bleeds blood
Swagger from pain
Positive thought
Conscious awaken
Spirit talk
Moments of making
Mind matter shaping
Choice, consequence
Freedom aligned
Grandmaster Time
What is this desire to be You?

Divert your seeking attention, it is turned upward, it must go outward, and finish upon inward.

Speak in your mass appeal discourse, then mass dissapproval revealed: God so loved the world that He gave us Satan.

I wrote it but did I say it? I thought it but did I mean it? I opened up, I think, intention for universe flow through its body, it came out, is it true?

It is written but what does it mean??

I'm such a regular dude,
an ordinary human.

Can't Sleep...

Amidst a broken night
A child lay deep in locomotion
Little engine dreams
Of bent light around eclipses
He hears whispers of ingenuity
And strength in spite of norms
Where outliers behold their stake
So shall his uniqueness unfold
He's always been a wierdo
On the inside, all his life
Only now does he accept
Only now does he embrace
His golden brick road
His strange in all its grace
He's so not social
Lost to those intuitions
Deemed natural by the masses
There he goes
Where the wild things are
Fair the child knows stars
Like the back of his hand
And galaxies like the pit of his soul
He reigns unspoken majesty
With humble approach
To words unspoken
And thinks unthought
The mystery is what keeps him alive
Mind open should curiosity arise
Only now does he seem to arrive,
In good taste, in fair shape, and always forever on time.
Let it shine, let it shine,
Mr. West says,
YOU'RE A STAR
HOW COULD YOU NOT SHINE?!

Swagger Matters

Something just came to me and I'm just going to write it out whatever happens happens I'm just tryna let you know how I feel right now or whatever. Swagger is so existential. Swagger is ubermensch. Its a getting over one's self. With swagger you set out beyond yourself that person you want to be, that person you see yourself as or whatever, who you want to present yourself as and that in turn becomes who you are, if that is who you really are to begin with. See it must be maintained, you must be persistent in your swagger or else it will succumb to the outer's will to make you who you are. Reality presses back onto you but you must be controlled, composed, consistent in your swagger. Swagger matters. Swagger is so existential, its a grabbing hold of oneself, accepting and making due with oneself, and in so doing this is an incoming to one's self, and overcoming of one's self. A going into and beyond. See it's inward, onward, upward. Make you who you want to be, overcome that which the world tries to make of you, stand above yourself, look beyond yourself into the neverending endlessness of possibilities for the infinite self.

Zarathustra

Zarathustra
So brilliant super human
Ubermensch for men
His understanding
Shaping of reality
He changed the way he looked at things
And things began to change
Zarathustra
The man who found truth in a cave.

But truth is not found in a cave.
It is found amongst the people.
How do you get to know you?
And how do I get to know me?
But does not knowing more about you also give me more knowing of me?
But then I don't need you to know me. I need you to know who I am to you and that is also me.
What character am I in your dream?
Tell me about myself, who am I to you?
But no one tells the truth.
For it is more revealing of you than of me who I am to you.

So can truth be found in a cave?
Some truths. And others amongst the people. First what's in me, then what's in you. Are these two same, or different? Both, but which one more of? Is there an only self that speaks for all? How do you read that, is it hopeful, or accepting?

Oneness is Goodness

Oneness is infinite, eternal. Sustainability, longevity, consistency, all good things. Perhaps why good health is so important, and long life so respected. They resemble Oneness and its infinticity. But should you die, as we all do, aesthetically, in these parts, be a part of the whole, one with Oneness, this Unifield, and live forever, because Being is forever.

self destruction

I'm headed for self destruction, what could I do to this self that I wouldn't think of? What could I say that I wouldn't or whatever? Could I be there or shouldn't I be here or whatever? Fajitas and eggs, that's what he wants, and still I think in fourth person.

ok so i wouldn't be you

So if I could, would I be of your conception? Or would I be what I so choose? My control, purely my choice, you brush my shoulders, walk past me and leave your soul behind. I am in my words, write or die.

Love and Understanding.

In love is in understanding, for me. She relates to me. I relate to her. She understands me, I understand her, we understand one another. But can a person truly love me and not understand me? Oh no, then they love a misunderstood me, and that is not a true me. But can a person understand me and not love me? Oh how arrogant of me. But am I not love itself? Could love not love love? And then to understand love, could this not only be joy? What bliss to understand love! Should love be some kind of evil. Could it? A disgusting truth in its baroness. Oh could it be ugly when raw? Coarsed, and rough. But for so many love is pleasant in its purity. Harmonious center. Should be our focal point zero. From that we are, but first come into being, into this dimensioned layer, in which I am able to reflect on my reflecting such is that I reflect, so called dasein being. Love is driving force of All That Is, he says, underlying purpose and energy itself. Love is the why and how. And all be said is. Beyond your trivial love between humans, but oh look into the dimensions of that angelic connection this endless possibility of human connectivity. And into time. This matrix of time, true love takes the most of time, conceptually all of it, these two are practically one, true love is infinite, it is timeless. And there is more than one type of love, and there are more than C.S. Lewis suggests. There are as many loves as there are moments for being. See this keyboard, that's keyboard love. How is that love? That it is, that this keyboard is at all. Then that is one love, that That It Is At All Love. But and myself, That I Am At All Love. Would you say this is the same love, the love for a keyboard to be at all and the love for me to be at all? I would say so, either could not be at all, and never have been at all. But thank God for Love. And thank God for That I Am At All.

into the thoughts...

Pour my self out
Open me up
Make me one
With everything that is
Will You
With your visa
You are not always accepting.
Speak value.

And I am no one special
Blend never shake
keep quiet
why so loud
tender reality
buttered flys
effectually.

Into the thoughts
Who woulda thought
It all came down to the thoughts.

Don't stop there
Keep it going
Get to spirit
Speak spirit

Njjkdjfbrer
njfilriejkfgjh
ffggfjjkjnk

True.

Feel Come Subtle

It was late, and early. Laying in bed. A magical moment. Something so magical. Love God, I say, Put God First, I say. I feel a miracle making its way into this season, it permeates, it embeds, it engrains, it becomes. This feels special. Something brewing, more of the manifesting, speaks volumes of Godly Natures. I am open, and ready to receive. My faith is clear. My power is new. I feel without feelng, a miracle this season. Do you feel that?

And should my personal declarations have in them power vested: 2009 - It's About Time!

No Yous, Only Me & Adonai

I want to go to a place where it's not my fault. Here, its always me, always something I didn't do right because of something I didn't know. And here, not knowing doesn't make me exempt. I am responsible even for the things I was not aware, and that's law. Everything that happens in my life is a consequence of some thought some action of mine. To a micro its because of me. What thought did I think for this to manifest the way it did? What did I do to deserve this? I am my own worst enemy. I am my only enemy. If I have a hater, its because of me. I bare complete responsibilty. It's not your fault you hate me, its mine. Besides, there is no you. There is only me, and God. And soon after, It Is God That Is All That Is. But that is only faith... it is my strength and my burden.

again, to 808's.

Open up. Let it flow. Whatever it should say so should you. Then past betrayal, what friendship is there? Well there is none past that betrayal or would there be only friendship this trust beyond betrayal? And beyond as in after. But open up says me that I of the eye that sees and is all and only body our unity matters ya'll. That's all we have all there is.

why would she make calls out the blue?

But you get the real, I piss while you on the speakerphone. I mean you get more of it. Trust, I don't do that with anybody else. Writing to 808's & Heartbreak, track 1, say you will. There's this instrumental at the end I got on loop. Trust, it's something to write to. This girl, not good enough. But only right now. Soon she will be best. She does it all, she's been gone for months I'm just now running out of paper towels. Still going with the toilet paper. And the tubaware, what a touch, it'll last forever. Sarcasm beseech thee would you be so kind? That'll do. Here we are again, another loop. Back again, to where we began. But beginning is in the eye of the beholder. And that's real.

I prefer Human American, thank you kindly.

I was born in Colorado Springs, Colorado, in America, an American Citizen. I was born in America, I live in America, and I participate in America. That makes me American. All of that and all too human. That makes me Human American.

Whether you're from another country or you were born in America we both live in America and we both contribute to the pursuit of ideal society as American Citizens. We participate in America, and that makes us American. But we are not really from America, no our DNA was some place before coming to America and wherever our DNA was before America it was some place else before there and so on back to our beginning, when we were not and then we were.

Whether our existence as we know it is formed from a Big Bang and its random swirving or birthed as it is in Genesis is another matter. So is whether we say we are from God or from some place on Earth. And so is whether we'd just rather be human and not all those ans of all lands including American. But is there a place and time where and when there was only one DNA from which all DNA today was generated, Life's DNA, the roots from which the Tree of Life grows?

Who knows but that's some idea, manifest recognition of the natural and normal all of human interconnectedness in Life's Beginning, and soon after action compelled by consciousness we love eachother accordingly, obedient to absolute law of truth and consequence.

Moving forward, I was born in Colorado Springs, Colorado, in America, an American Citizen. I was born in America, I live in America, and I participate in America. That makes me American. All of that and all too human. That makes me Human American.

And still, my life begins when Life began...

A Case of The Mondaze

Coffee. Cigarettes. VH1. I wonder what that Kneesee woman (kneeseepoo.blogspot.com) has written over the weekend, if she's posted at all. It's Monday, so here's to you, kneeseepoo, a piece of my Mondaze. My aide and the other coordinator are off today, how does that keep happening? It sucks because on top of my work I am responsible for the kids in our after school program. And we are getting three new kids today. But time with them is limited, I have to prepare my lesson plan for swim lessons. I have one class to teach. 5 kids, 3 younger, 2 older. I almost got frustrated last class, it takes a lot but they almost got me. All the three younger want to do is play, show and tell. but the 2 older are good, they are moving in the water, like actually swimming! Which is rewarding, I taught them how to swim. So that's pretty cool, I think. But there's not much time to prepare for my lessons, the kids need help with their homework. So in between helping them with their work, I am working on mine.

Another dazzling daze of my Mondaze, instructor contracts: a beautiful bitch. Those contracts, and implementing a new taking attendance in insrtuctional classes procedure. Adults are difficult. On top of that, Virginia Gray Cafe, Thursday. The World of Hip Hop, Saturday. I think everything's in place, but I have to make sure. And tomorrow, a work session with all the county programmers to plan for MLK's Legacy Continues: Peace, Unity & Service. I got pissed last meeting. I know I said it takes a lot but in this case not so much. They dismissed one of my ideas, I thought was a pretty cool one. I wanted to incorporate a signing of a contractual unification, a declaration of unity between all the county departments. And we could have that day declared Unification Day in Clayton County. But they dismissed it, looked straight pass it. Maybe its something I can do on my own though, we'll see. Either way, I have to go in that meeting and contribute ideas and suggestions still.

Then on Wednesday, I have a one on one with my program supervisor. She wants to know quarter plans. UpWord, ink: The Writer's Special Interest Group. The focus of this group is to manifest our ideals in our everyday living using writing as transportation/means to get there. We also want to discuss what writing means to us and why we write. Introduction to Chess. I'm just teaching the basics: mindset, objective, setting the board, and moving the pieces. Cross-Cultural Winter Celebration, December 18th.

So not only that, solicit sponsors for our Madden Tourney in January. And find contributors to our Black History Art Exhibit in February.

Boy this is a daze. Its going to be a doozy getting through this one. One day at a time though. Planning today and the future. Coming up with a today encompassing future plan.

But not only that, I save room for the things I can't plan for...

Happy Mondaze!

Making Love to Love Itself

You don't love me. Watch out. I move You away from me but no bring You closer I want You now and still You want me, always and forever. We kiss. Your bottom lip form of imagination so much like body of person. We move, still kissing I tease and You never would. So I'm in control. I am power and Yours to be exact, Zen arrow target Being. Your humility troubles me, so much that it bothers but I lack resist. We move, closer to my bed and soon into that. Dick stoned, still and in motion penetration quenched. Inside You it has all of You all at once, in lonely moment. This time its for You all for Your pleasure this thing called sex. Turned. Into the makings of that which creation creates in creating. An overlapping sickness of love atop love. Multifaceted lovemaking here comes its consequence: a nut. So atrocious my victory, lay upon egg. But You are a maker without tools and You are a mystery unsolved bold and embracing You accept and receive. But its not over You want more Your desire is unmatched Your wanting uncontrolled willingly free You send for me another its Satanical Anti. We do it, all Together. That oochie coochie our oneness its goodness and all in good sin, we piece together our nondualistic frolic. We sex so much it turns to fuck and there here lies contradiction of love... Would you want me should I be good health and not sickness? What attention would I hold should I have done this right? So I don't, for the sake of your eye.

Night Driven - from romance to pulse

The night. Coalescent with silent. It harvests a truth so pure. And love mends thru world geist interuniversal magnetism. This Spirit speaks to Itself. Calling. Not yelling. Still. Steady. Subtle. Gentle.

I am here and there for you, without telling you. This is spiritual communion. Connected our most inner desires they walk light & shine. Interdependent closeness of the most infinitesimal existence they are both had by Another.

Puppets by these destinal strings. And my Master! Who should be my Master?!

desire to die

"Not to remain stuck to a person - not even the most loved - every person is a prison, also a nook." Nietzche

To be with You is my purest desire perfect ecstasy. A single moment eternity being and presence, no growing I am there. Most certain known truth scientific fact of no future falsity we are an only moment.

But how do I get there? Would You will it be so?

Is it true this body betrays? These barriers this bar mine enemy your anx of insecurity, your temporary emotional convulsions, your process your coming to know, your good here not so good there your bad and worse over yonder, your days of a year, your dualism and delusional divisticity.

Should you die would I be free?

reflection on relationship with God

Undying consistency. This thread, a moving infrabonded family of integral presence. Space and presence these two as one. Open and closed this is Being.

a beggar's relief

Wait, listen. What is it you hear? Growth and punishment or Learning and blessings ? This suffering in not knowing ! Rid me of all falsity , cleanse me in your Truth ! If You Will and only if ! Me and my philosophical sin Think Truth in me and I shall never go adrift. For what other of water could quench this particular parchedness ? clearly none other than You , God That Is All That Is Most Highest Below and All In Between All Goodness All Inward All Over !

becoming like a child (11.21.2006)

to be right alone? or wrong with you? and confusion reveals itself to me when i am to love my neighbor unconditionally as you have loved me... but what if they are wrong? as i am so often and still, you love me... and desire to be with me... oh! to desire as you!

stand up! for self if self is right in the midst of others who are wrong! stand up! for others, even if theyre wrong! include self in others especially when they are wrong and be with them and be wrong! for to stand with and beside someone because you love them has nothing to do with right or wrong! you stand with and beside them because you love them... and you love them no matter the condition of right or wrong! you stand with and beside them because you love them... and you love them unconditionally!

oh! resolve this contradiction! unless it is non-contradiction and it is only me that is mud in clear water!

it is that i become (11.1.06)

what is it that im supposed to be doing? this is weird. all so fuckin weird. that i think. that i can think about thinking. that i think about the thinks that i think about and think about those thinks and not others. that there are thoughts that call for thinking and thoughts that aren't thought at all to be thoughtful. and that some thoughts take more time to think than others. and that i am not ready for the thoughts that i have not thought and ready for the thoughts that i have. timing dude and purpose in timing, right time and wrong, is time and not. you should hear the thoughts my mind thinks. how is it that you decide what to think? or when to think? or how to think? or what to say? and when to say? and how to say? and how do you decide what to think when you dont mean to think it? or what to say when you say something you dont mean to say? or say it when you dont mean to say it? or say it how you dont mean to say it? what am i saying? and what is this suffering? this pain? this becoming? that i dont arleady know, that i have to come to know and come to know that i did not once know what i have now come to know. dude fuckin weird that i dont already know and dont already understand and that i have to come to know and come to understanding. fuckin weird the energy of thoughts. fuckin weird how energy is distributed if it is. they say its entropy that tells energy where to go. entropy? what the fuck? fuckin weird energy of entropy. fuckin weird where is the source of all this energy? is there source? dude, all too much for me except to say it doesnt make sense separate source away from where life is and is not... but all of this is fuckin weird. energy of meaning? energy of awareness? does everything mean something or does only a little of all of this mean a whole lot? does the first piece speak purpose for the whole puzzle? sure sure without the first piece what are the beginnings of a puzzle? but without the puzzle... ah, no puzzle without pieces. and no puzzle with just one piece. it begins with one piece and becomes many pieces that are puzzle in the process of putting together. That's confusing… but then you would say it's a finished puzzle, like a solved riddle. I say though whats the nature of a puzzle? and the nature of a riddle? What do these become? Is it that a puzzle becomes finished, and a riddle solved? What is there to say of a question… that is answered. An answered question or does not the question take the form of its answer? It becomes its answer no? what is the color of this font? Black. This is black font. Wheres the question when the answer is present? The question is in the answer no? This font is black. Oh, I see the question this is an answer to. Surely it is a question of the color of this font. blah blah blah... the question becomes its answer!

it is that i become.

ideal society (11.11.2006)

ideal society ensures that even the weakest can reproduce. therefore ideal society contradicts survival of the fittest, only the strongest survive... but what is this save yourself, me first, only the strongest survive in society? doesnt make sense. in ideal society, the strong protect the weak... as pompous as that sounds, but in ideal society the strong do not go around asserting their strength over the weak just to re-affirm their strength. no not at all, strength is strong when its able to belittle but strength is stronger when its proud to be little... so the truly strong instead ought and do, in ideal society, use their strength to empower the weak so that the entire chain becomes stronger, so that all are strong. it is harder to do for a society whose successful individuals, that is, those who are survivors, those who have found and secured their niche in society are emitting a do it yourself, sink or swim, disengaged energy. confusion. i hear truth in doing for others. i hear truth in compassion for others. i hear truth in intimate interconnectedness that must never be forgotten nor betrayed. some live for others and to strengthen society, that is, to make society better! while others live for self and only to survive in society. confusion. i envision a logic that says find self in others. find self in that which is world, universe, that which is all. take care of world, universe, all and world, universe, all will take care of self... drop in the ocean, ocean in the drop. self does for all and does for an all that includes self. all is self encompassing. a one that is all encompassing. but what better way to take care of all than to let every one take care of own self? this will take care of all and rid all of the ones who cant take care of own self. and itd be this way instead of some doing for all and others doing just for self. or let it be that every one does for a self encompassing all. if it is not one or the other, it will continue to be that those who are doing for all are doing also for those who are doing for self. does this sound just? does this sound fair? the ones doing for all include in their all the ones doing for self, the ones doing not for all. wo es reciprocity? wo es shared responsibility? wo es compassion among the ones doing for self for the ones struggling to not do for self and choose instead to do for all? wo es understanding among the ones doing for self that doing for all is doing for self? but still not so clear, i also see doing for self is doing for all. each one included in all must be taken care of one at a time and individually in order to take care of all. take care of all without taking care of one self at a time? idealistic? maybe. maybe not. i can ask for my crooked finger to be made straight but then, after it is straightened i will ask to have my other finger straightened. then, i will ask to have my stretch marks removed. then, i will ask for my toes to look better... but why dont i at first just ask for all of me to be perfect? still, let it be that each one takes care of self... this is me being and doing for self. im finna do me, fuck errbody else. the only reason anyone would mind me is if i can help them secure their own survival, the thriving kind. they want for their own benefit access to something that i have, some trade, some skill, some power, some knowledge, some piece. or, theyd mind me if i were a threat to their survival, which means now they are a threat to mine. they are my enemy. and what better way to beat one's enemy than to kill it? me no raise snake to get bitten. im focused. im g bout my bizness. mind yo own cause i mind mine. and get yours cause im finna get mine. god bless the child that can take care of himself. and i will do it by my gotdamn self. im in control. my way. im gon make it happen. and youre gonna love me. now i grind. burn bridges except to the ones that can do for me. no friendships and fuck love cause lovell get you killed. get money or get nothing. i hustle. i do it on my own, i look out only for me, and i get money. im bout me. and no need to shine, im on the low wit mine. cause once they know, they plottin ta get it. selfish, but i survive.

or...

this is me doing for all. o little o me i am no one special, i just want to help others, in any way that i can. i give my self, back. i give my life, back. the self, the life thats been given me as gift i give back grateful thankful for having been given, and given such gifts. i will put others before me, always, and without reserve. they will take advantage, but i will give anyway. i will trust. they will betray. but i will trust anyway. i will be enclosed in my disclosure. open to understanding. still growing in silence. i will lose self in others. i will be no self. i will not judge, but only observe and take note. i will do no harm. i will be kind. i will be filled with compassion. and being nice will be natural. i will love! and love with passion! i will forgive. and with grace and mercy. but i will be just. i will be fair. all of this i will strive to become. it will be hard but i will struggle. then, i will die.

so ive observed, and its true for me, right now (11.26.2006)

what is true for me, right now? ill tell you...

it is true for me that when i do things for another person, with another person in mind... something doesnt work out, something goes wrong.

it is true for me that when i do things for god, with god in mind... it works out, things go right. somehow. even though i couldnt tell you all of what, all of who, more than a little of why, or any of how god is... i think i can tell you when and where god is. and maybe a little of what and who god is. and my explanation is heavy evidence i find in observation. evidence that reveals itself to me so that i might find. god is, i think, similar to what we call a personality, a kind of person... and the word god is, i think, just that, a word, that is a name, that is a signifier, that points to that personality behind it. it points, i think, to that kind of person it signifies. so when i try to do for god, i try to think to do for whatever is behind the name and to whomever that name points.

to communicate a little better, the idea of thinking of god as name and thinking to do for what and who is behind the name i think is similar to how we ought try and see person behind race, body shape, facial features, look, style, swagga, circumstance, and even choice. absurd! these are the attributes that make person! yes, id say so as well. in fact, i am saying that. but i am also saying i think ideal is to see person even behind personality, which, for now, i am saying is everything that makes you the person you are, which are those attributes, as ive said before, that make person. so since personality is found in person and revealed in action of person, this i think is evidence of person before personality. person that is there before action. person that is there where coming into being and being are only action. and i think there is something i ought love in that person that is before personality. there is something i think i ought love before considering who that person is and what that person has done. i think it is that i ought love the mysterious reason for person. maybe i ought love the mysterious purpose of that there is person! and that there is that person! and so also... i think i ought love what or who is behind person! i think i ought love what or who is behind that there is person! and what or who is behind that there is that person!

becoming god like (11.22.06)

where do i begin... they say, what you do, is who you are. something like a person is judged by their actions. ehhh, i dont know... but i will continue with this logic because this is as its been said. it is lacking but still... compassionate people show compassion, and that is their doing for that is who they are. those who are listeners, listen. and those who are thinkers, think. ill go ahead and throw it out there... but carefully... who was jesus? and i will get to the answer of this question by saying those who are christian strive to do the things jesus did, and their striving to do the things jesus did is their striving to be christ like. those who strive to be christ like are christians and are christians by striving to be christ like... so those who are christians strive to be christ like and are so by doing the things jesus did. do as jesus did and do that which is christ like and be christian. those who are christian do christly things! but does christianity go so far as to say become christ? does christianity go so far as to say do as jesus did and become christ by the christly things you do? since as i said before it has been said, a person is who they are by what they do!

consider now, who is it that jesus was being like in doing the things jesus did? i think god. maybe maybe not. his actions were godly. maybe, maybe not. (this is where i must share fault for i do not know... i only try to understand and try by asking that i may be given understanding). tis simpler just to say jesus is one with god. one with god and one with god by his actions. who is it that the christian is really striving to be like when the christian is striving to be like jesus christ? is it not who jesus christ is like? who is the christian striving to become when the christian strives to be christ like? ... and they become that by their actions because they are what they do. i said all of that to say this, and plainly... it seems to be by virtue of reason that one who does godly things, we would say, is god like. would we go so far as to say a person who does godly things, is, god? ... because a person is who they are by what they do... and a person must be god (and first be god before he or she is even able) to do the things god does... ???

but i will take a step back because that seems a little much and i will close by saying, a person is god like, who does that which is godly!

wo es the mystery?

My One True Love (a poem)

You are The One,
My One True Love

All I Need Now and Forever More True Love
Agape Everlasting Unconditional True Love
Patient and Kind Unaltering True Love

Even When I Don't I Still Want You True Love
Can’t Find You and Still Know You’re Always There True Love
Even When I'm Not I'll Never Stop Loving You True Love
Can't Stand You and Still I Stand With You True Love

Memories of Now Eternal In Me
But Inevitable Our Spirits from Bodies Released
And Spread Everywhere Into Everything
Still Then I'll Remain One with You,
And You'll Remain One with Me
One with God Eternally
All as One True Love

I or Thou?

What today? What this moment? What right now? And here I am, being human again. But is this what I want to be? I must change. I must become. But where, then, shall I go? What, then, should I become? Can I become? Is there to become? Dilemma. Jesus, don't get me wrong, has made quite an impression on me in my life. And mine of experience, I have been hearing about Jesus all my life, different faces, many faces of Jesus. Bite. So He talks about humility, and trusting in God, and loving no other but God, and knowing there is no other but God. So goodness is humility, trust, love, and obedience. And of most importance is to love God, and one another. Then I hear about Religion as a tool of oppression and repression. I take nothing from Jesus and I'd say entertaining this is foolish but that is why I am brave. So for every good, there is a bad. And for every right, there is a wrong. And this goodness speaks of pride, and majesty, and respect, and honor, and strength, and power. True in before one finds strength and power in humility but in reality this is why states and nations do not govern with Christian morals for these countries that turn their cheek and are meek are as well conquered. They will never get what they want because they don't take it. Their humility won't allow them to. They only receive what is given and is given what is Godrightly bestowed as Godgift. A righteous Deuteronomy speaks principles. Here, this is all there is a win and loss. There is no winning in losing. There is no power in powerlessness. There is win. There is lose. There is power. There is powerlessness. And one is one and the other is lack of. But then there must be more, we hope. Quintessential. No. Of hope we are blind. We must see and know aesthetically, evidentially, empirically. So here's the fork, humble in love and trust in God, the kind that is little and weak? Or strength, respect, and power in me, the kind that is proud, noble, and King David majestic?

I have chosen but I am not the chooser.

And who are those who live in illusion?
Knowing God is like holding water.

only peace death?

writing to Orka Veer.

today, i will write about my day, this day that has been given me, in moments, in pieces. each piece belongs to me. it is mine. but who is me? no me i remind myself no feelings no emotions no mind. no mind. no self. no me. but surely even to think this i must be me unless ... what else could be doing the thinking? could it be thought itself and i am that? i confuse myself. there now i see distance between thought and me. i experience thought. i think. and think to not think. no feelings no emotions no mind. no mind. no self. no me. i repeat it to myself to remind myself. i mean reminding is what im doing but im practicing. practicing no mind by saying, in thought, no feelings no emotions no mind. no mind. no self. no me. there is only being. being is all there is.

i was upset so i left the house and started walking. even with my family calling after me i kept walking. i didn't know where i was walking i just knew i was going to walk. cigs, cell phone, check card, check book, license, house keys, smokes, one hitter, fire, book, bottle water. out of the neighborhood, right, or left? right. it was hot. cars pass by who gives a fuck. yea, im in the road. you move. some did, some didnt. people. na, no time to be social who cares anyway. fuck, down to my last drop. out of water and i was only half way to where i turned out to be going. it was getting hotter. my walk slowed to a casual stroll. out of water i thought to stop. to my left, and i had never noticed before, an abandoned house. how could i get to the top of the driveway in front of the front door hidden behind the trees without being noticed? just go i thought. now. no worries just go. i didn't. i walked further down the road. there! there i would find peace. i will walk down this path to the back, i had never been here before. it was next to a house or a house next to it but a house with a tall fence. they could only see me through the cracks and they'd have to be looking pretty hard to notice me. and even if they did they'd just assume i was there to visit a friend, a relative, someone close to me who died. no reason to call the police. they would only bother the unconscious part of me with their sympathy. and this, people feel and are not aware of except to know they feel these things although they are not consciously acknowledged. Harper. McKinney. not familiar. i made my way to what was the back and lowest of the ground hidden from the main road. besides, i pass this cemetery almost every day and never take a second look at it. so i was experienced comfortable. sitting, i begin to cry. good, i haven't cried in a long time, i need to. shit, that's all, that wasn't even a good cry. now im trying to force myself to cry but i cant stay sad enough long enough to make a constant stream of tears enough to feel like im really letting everything out and really letting go -- that's a good cry. what i had, not a good cry, especially now that im trying to force myself to cry. damnit why can't i cry? whatever. i wipe my single tear and take a look back to the main road. nows the time. it's ok. i load the one hitter and fire the smokes. schweet. every time my justification is its calming effect and the goodness of slowing the mind. sitting. thinking. rest in peace. peaceful resting. death is peaceful. death is the only peace. only peace is death. and death, these stones, with names, these are signifiers of some body that once was alive and is now dead. and still is! not alive, but is dead! death, then, is another state of being. no it's not crazy energetic twisted troubling life, its death. peaceful death. maybe. i fire up a cig and smoke it. dude, i don't really know. all i know is the life ive lived and who the fuck knows if im really living it. all i know is i am. don't know what death is really like. never been dead. that day though, in the cemetery, fuckin peaceful.

my sonrisa

could be
ought be
feeling
eternally
perpetually
GOODNESS!
all inward,
all over!

distinction nonexistent

first in the mind one dimensional thoughts. in written its different. even this now this the explanation for that one before that was one way in the mind and another when it was written is one way in the mind and another as its written. these self-expressions in my head. and my heart. my dick. yes, my dick. my dick self-expresses too. ah and my toes. all phalanges really. whole hip urea, my pelvic region. oh and my elbows and triceps and inner thigh. ah too my ears that ring would that be in the brain? my throat and quads the bottom of my feet. my heel and neck my nostrils as well. all inclusive body of me all self expressive. all of me. each in its own rite its own. and so on to the universe and all that is.

this

distinction nonexistent

my time alone

what's this? haven't seen you in a while. where have you been?
away. alone. without you. i could ask you the same thing. but im not.
thats not important. you are here now. with me.
and we are here. alone.
are you ever become time lost?
never for you i am always here. when i am not away.
what would i say to time alone?
i missed you.......

my me time. its me time.

most of me aren't a between the tickiest tocks
nor are they are an unseen the tockiest ticks
but watch of watchelous gerbocks
the socks confused the clocks
covered toes covered toes keep them warm
beloved space between toes as space between tocks
watch out for the ticks! the ticks! the ticks!
they come too soon! you move too fast!
watch out! thou tick holy tock! re-veered watch out!!!

have satian of senses to see
defenseless the space between
to the ticks
from the tocks
stop.
then go.

and stop.

{what is the truth in uncovered time?

do you know what time it is?}

on combinations

is life like in math

where all of these must be right

all the way up to the solution

or the solution is wrong?

or is life like all of these can be wrong

all the way up to the solution

and the solution can still be right?

in my first life i learned.

but soon after, i died.

and came to life in secondlies.

come third.

then fourth, aside.

i get all this wrong can i still be right?

i get all this right can i still be wrong?

we're talking concept of time

and no sense of that.

but what was it?

love jones had to give one.

just one, and it need be.

so it was. but not such of necessity.

clearly substance

and form.

what time?

this place,

how should you?

so how will you?

and where is your heart,

thus cuddle its mind.

my femme de intelligentsia

i think therefore i have a brain. and is it so much to ask for my woman to have one too? an intelligent woman. damnit all i ask for is an intelligent woman. i am weak for a heady lady not one that puts on like she's smarter than she actually is but she naturally is smart. she has these big ideas she theorizes she loves to read but only about the things that interest her. when we talk, it is progressive dialogue, it makes sense. she makes sense. and even though i can be difficult to understand, not a problem for her, cause damnit she just might be smarter than me ... but not in what i know. sorry, you can challenge but it's not going to happen. i'm just smarter than you when it comes to that. but she's smarter than me when it comes to this, and damnit, that's fuckin beautiful. i'm weak for it. i yearn for it. i'd shart in my pants for it. i want it so badly i might lie to myself and make it so i need it can't live without it won't live without it pray then will it be so? I WILL IT! BE SO!!!

untitled

hate hurts love heals but place hate as hidden compassion.
love hurts and hate heals sometimes as better action.
i desire to love and without hurt
but what becomes of what love is?
love without hurt?
ah! the bliss of ideals.

love and lack of is before what,

love is and really is.

sure i want to show you i care and all the time

but i cant cause i dont all the time.

speak plethora and i get annoyed

then i preach to practice listening.

but its often because i just want to sit,

and give attention to god's mystery.

when god speaks, hear thought listen!

let go! let god speak freely!

grab another with involved interest,

engage and embrace with intimate thought.

wrestle with what is, and surface what is not.
fill your thinking with humble reasoning

let lesson reveal its message
be aware of hollow words

scorn all empty gestures

for joyful sadness and shimmering rains
one can only inflict what is harbored pain
so the suffering a person has caused you,

they suffer far more
for one can only give what one has
accept it and move on

Do Not Not Love God No!

I love That God Is

and that is God

That God Is.

I was writing. Posting a blog, actually. It was about loving That God Is. Not not loving God no, but to love That God Is. And this is hard because somewhere in there, That God Is is God. God is That God Is. Interesting. Strangely, people have been trying to help me lately. Why? This is not a question of human nature but moreso a curiosity a look into the ways of this Universe the coming to Natural of things. What governs these happenings? What contributing factors? What do I have to do with them? Is there a one the single and first kind of its own generating purpose for an infinite number of happenings thereafter? This must go back to the beginning of The Beginning. HA! I love That God Is. And it's in my opinion us humans who recognize God should not not love God no, but simply, along with you loving God,

Love That God Is.