title?

decomposing body ... still a live ... waste away , drift aloft , broken misconstrued destiny ... promise broken by mass mispercept

there's something i must change...?

(unwanted, no man would wish this on himself things happening to me, and I'm wrestling with if it's them or me, but it's always me, isn't it.)



...But then its back to me and my choices, but am I wrong to think it's not all my fault? Yea, I've got a whole lot to do with it, and I accept I have the most to do with it, but can a portion of each thing that happens to me be some of another person's responsibility in the way that other person chooses to respond to me and my choices? So some things that happen to me are self-inflicted by my choice, and some things that happen to me I could just be a necessary character in another person's personal human experience of God, right? But then it could be my self-inflicting choices that have elected me in that particular position in that other person's personal human experience of God. Or is it all God's Will? But God gave me freedom to choose for myself if I would have God's Will or my own, so I'm back to it's all my fault, if this is me leaning on mine own will and not God's. But then at the same time God also gives that other person that same free choice to have God's Will or his or her own...my life confuses me.

This is therapeutic for me, I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. But I have never suffered like this. I really thought some pains would go away as I got older, but it's only seeming to get worse and more tragic, and more lasting.
It'll all make sense to me, in due time, I pray.

itsmikala

one day we will know

One day we will know why we were here, like this. One day we will know what Jesus really would have done. One day we will know what human social life could have been like, and should have been like. One day we will know all there is to know about the human body, the brain, and its heart. One day we will know what true love is. One day we will know God, and if there is or isn't One. One day we will know the real consequences of abortion and homosexuality. One day we will know who was right and if that even matters. One day we will know the true meaning of freedom. One day all there is to be known, will be known. But until then, I will pray these things are revealed and understanding is mercily bestowed upon us. And until then, I will make the best decisions with what I do know, and live according to and in honor of my knowledge.

Thank You for what I do know, for I know nothing without You.