i worked with an autistic child today

She was 11. Her mother had to say specifically I noticed, wipe your eyes, open your eyes, look at your teacher. She scared me when she gave focus. It was intense, more attention than what I get in a day from grown folk, even from the ones who pretend to listen. I was her teacher, and in that moment, I was everything to her. Ok now this time, we are going to go in the water and blow bubbles with our mouth. Do this. I blew on the water. She did exactly the same. I was surprised, and amazed. Ok, now do this. I put my mouth in the water and blew bubbles. She quickly immitated. It was a joyful moment, the bubbles tickled her nose, she jumped in laughter. Giggling, she did it again. And over, and over, and over again. I watched, smiling a new smile each time, because each time was as unexpected as the first, and each time was as joyful as the first. Her emotion did not taper. She did not grow tired of laughing. She'd put her face in the water, blow bubbles, be tickled, jump up laughing so surprised as if she had not just done that and as if she was not just about to do the same thing again. I was caught up in the moment, reminded of her specialty. I was jealous. And curious. A glance at her mother, she was enjoying her daughter's play. But time is limited, girl I think you are being silly, her mother said, stop, wipe your eyes, open your eyes, look at your teacher. Ah, here I am again. Now let's try this, put both hands on the wall and kick the water, like this. Hmm, ok, not working, I think to myself, how to do this, I had never worked with an autistic child before, let alone taught one to swim. Ok, let's put this noodle right here, lay on it, on your stomach, lay forward, she looked confused, I mean, lay flat, she looked for her mom, I mean, lay this way, like this. Ok ok, no, like this, no, ok, oh here we go. She's on the noodle, cool, now kick! Kick the water! kick! kick! kick! kick! kick! and she's kicking, keep kicking! still kicking. She was on the noodle, kicking the water and I was moving her around the pool. It was cool cause she kind of held on to me. She didn't too much trust that noodle. I remember her surprise when she first got on the noodle was floating and I showed her both my hands. It was cute, the face she made. But she held on to me as we were moving and she was kicking. It was comforting. Because I was nervous I wasn't sure how she would respond to touch. Awh man, its 5 o'clock. I have to start my class now, sorry. We only had 10mins together. And her mother was so thankful. Do you give private lessons, like would you come out to the house and teach the whole family? I laughed, well I haven't. Uhm, you should! She asked me for my number. I gave it to her. She kept telling me thank you, and I kept saying your welcome. Now I want to tell her thank you. I hope she calls...

straight off the cuff, clean-ed and warmed

3 followers...then I'll put it simply, say it plainly, the life we live I can only speak for myself, a life not worth living, for all that matters is that we are. Not that which that we are...whatever whoever you are it does not matter, it only matters that you are. That you are at all. But then again, these people who I feel don't think I belong where I am, I didn't deserve it, it is only not even because of who I knew, but of who knew me, and what they who knew me thought of me. Could they be misguided unlike you, never underestimating thine power of denial, you fucqn hater, I think everything of nothing of you, you who irritates me tickling at my position so as you could beneath and behind me unseat me and place your undeserving self in my used to be. So I've heard it said, no one can do what I've been sent here to do, as if God were far away and His business would be one with UPS. But should I know anything other than what I am meant to know, once ready to hear, they will only think what I am meant for then to think, being such that God is All of This and All That Is, and so should all that I am commune with in nows be makinged moments of God and that Being In Itself.

Straight off the cuff.

yesterday was my birthday

I don't know what to think of it. I tried to make it a big deal and it wasn't. It was only a big deal to me. Not to dis count what other people felt about it the ones who showed their affection but how much of that was tradition and what you were taught and what you are made to think of birthdays not so much everything about it but at laeast to say you should act like you're excited when it's somebody's birthday for that's the day that person was born and life is worth living so it is certainly worth praising and celebrating. So what did I think about yesterday. I feel different, I was acting different. (Hmm-huff) different in the sense I felt living more straight outward from a center inward it was a turn a coming to face and this is from where I will reach while clinching down securing my safehold in my no self. Do you bring all your past with you into the present? Or do you go in empty wide open unknowing to the now?